The Wedding Budget vs. The Marriage Investment

Why Premarital Counselling is the Best Gift You Can Give (yourself or a loved one)

I love a good stat—I find they tell a story. When it comes to marriage, sometimes we don’t want to acknowledge the stats and instead bury our heads in the sand. Here are some interesting (and maybe a little uncomfortable) stats about marriage, weddings, and divorce:

• 40% of Canadian marriages end in divorce.

• 80% of divorced individuals will remarry.

• 60% of second marriages end in divorce.

• 73% of third marriages end in divorce.

• Canada has the 29th highest divorce rate in the world.

• The average Canadian wedding costs $30,000.

• The average Canadian divorce costs $18,000 and takes approximately three years.

• Cohabitation before marriage is associated with a lower risk of divorce in the first year (due to less adjustment early on) but a higher risk thereafter.

• Premarital counselling has been shown to reduce the chances of divorce by 31%.

Wait… what? A positive marriage stat?

YES!

If this is true (and it is), then why don’t we hear more about couples going through substantial premarital counselling? Not just the standard one session with a priest or pastor, but the kind of counselling that digs deep—lifting the layers of all things relationships?

We are willing to invest $2,000 and spend countless hours searching for the perfect wedding dress, yet we hesitate to invest 10 hours and significantly less money in in-depth premarital counselling. (Not to mention that many benefits plans may cover some sessions.)

Does the idea of premarital counselling feel intimidating? I get it. Let’s destigmatize the experience, starting with the topics I cover in premarital counselling.

Mindset

As we know, opposites often attract—and for good reason! After an in-depth assessment, we explore each of your personalities and mindsets, discussing how they align, possible blind spots, and potential hurdles.

Well-being

We all have pasts—whether relational or familial—that shape who we are today, for better or worse. How have you handled those experiences, and how do they play a role in your relationship?

Social Dynamics

You’ve probably heard the phrase, “When you marry someone, you marry their family.” It’s true. What dynamics is this bringing into your unique relationship? What boundaries do you, or should you, have in place? And what about the rest of your community—friends, religious affiliations, and support networks? How will these relationships evolve once you’re married?

Finances

You know we have to go there. Money is one of the top causes of marital conflict, so it needs to be an open and honest conversation. No financial skeletons. How did your family handle money? What are your financial goals as individuals and as a couple? Laying it all on the table now will be a gift to your future selves.

Expectations

Unmet or uncommunicated expectations are another big challenge! You cannot assume that how your parents handled roles in marriage is how your spouse will. There’s likely some misalignment, and discussing these differences can help you get on the same page.

Remarriage & Blended Families

Although second marriages have a higher divorce rate, that doesn’t mean yours has to. Identifying potential hurdles and creating a plan to navigate them can set you up for long-term success.

Sex

Oh yes, we go there. This, like all the topics we cover, is a non-judgmental and safe space to address potential challenges, perceptions, and expectations.

Communication

Communication is the lifeblood of your relationship. The more you understand each other—and feel understood—the stronger your marriage will be.

Gender Differences

We all know men and women can be different, but understanding how these differences drive our deepest needs—on top of our unique personalities—can make or break a relationship.

Conflict

Conflict is inevitable—it’s the price we pay for deeper intimacy. When you learn to “fight a good fight,” you can actually use conflict to strengthen your relationship rather than tear it down.

Spirituality

Do your spiritual beliefs align? Do you support each other in these areas? What role will spirituality play in your marriage, and how will it shape your family if kids enter the picture?

You can likely see why these topics can’t be fully addressed in a single one-hour session. More importantly, premarital counselling connects you with a professional who truly understands your relationship. When bumps in the road come—or when you simply want to be proactive—you’ll already have someone who knows your history and can offer guidance.

If you knew that premarital counselling could reduce your chances of divorce by 30%, would you do it?

Would you recommend it to a newly engaged friend?

Parents—would you consider giving it as an engagement or wedding gift to your children?

Now that’s a gift that can keep on giving for years to come.